Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Coo Coo Cachoo

There is a hint coldness in the air. I like it. It means change, and generally I am a little apprehensive of change but after such a turbulent summer, I welcome change with arms wide open.

I feel like this blog is going to be about words that begin with 'ch.' Don't you hate when people announce what their blog is going to be about? But I just here we are.


A couple of weeks ago I was in dire need of a change. A change of scenery. A change of mentality. A change of pace. So I went to Chicago to visit my best friend. If you don't know already, Chicago is a pretty rad city full of rocking people and nice summer weather. I spent a week there. I recharged my batteries and I came back to New York with a skip in my step and a pocket full of new found motivation. Something changed. New York was no longer a place where I was confronted with ample amounts of 'no' but the place I chose to make my life, so by God I was ready to make it work.

Then after some maybes followed by even more no's...I found myself choosing to be dejected and beat down again.

It's only been two weeks since I returned. Quick turn around eh?

For some reason I keep finding myself choosing to give into no and letting myself become the a victim. Why do we do that? Why do we let the doors slam in our faces and then come up with a thousand reasons as to why it's our fault the doors keep slamming on us? Or is that just me?

I am not talented enough.

I am not pretty enough.

I am not what they are looking for.

I am a walking poster child for bad luck.

I am not a person, whom things work out for.

Recently I have made a choice to think those series of thoughts and I've allowed them to pollute my head and discourage me from living the life I have set out to lead.

The only explanation I can seem to find for these choice thoughts of mine (see what I did there?) is fear. Fear of failing. Fear of letting my dreams slip from my grasp. Fear of disappointing my family. Fear of the unknown.

Choosing fear is exhausting...not to mention depressing.

There was a hurricane this past weekend. The weather people said it was going to tear NYC to pieces, leaving us without power, without water for weeks. So out of fear of not being able to bathe, not being able to flush my toilet or brush my teeth or eat, I went to the store and stocked up, then stayed in the apartment for hours when finally me and two of my best friends decided to go outside and enjoy the hurricane, instead of letting it suck the life out of our weekend we ran right into the storm. We played in the empty streets with the rain falling hard. We had epic puddle wars (none of us contracted the plague, calm down) and we ran to a bridge and looked at this epic city glisten in the rain. That moment has secured a spot on one of my all time favorite New York moments. It was liberating and I laughed so hard my sides hurt and I was happy.

With that said, I need to keep reminding myself to choose to brave the storm. I need to remember that although the rain will fall hard and and the wind may be cold, that I will get used to it and although the puddles I step in may be deep, I can choose to splash around in them and laugh instead of struggle in them and drown. And most importantly I need to remember that I have amazing people all around me, braving the same storm and together, we can make the best of it.

Choosing to see the fearful as an opportunity to fill my life with unforgettable moments instead of reasons to fall down seems like a much better option, don't you think?


  1. i love you Colleen! I hope you consider me as one of those people around you that will always be by your side, holding your hand, defying hurricanes, earthquakes, heartbreaks and whatever life throws at you!
    I hold you close to my heart, and consider you one of the most beautiful beings i have in my life.
    ...and i thank you for that.

  2. "Choosing to see the fearful as an opportunity to fill my life with unforgettable moments instead of reasons to fall down seems like a much better option, don't you think?"

    Yes. I do.

  3. you are inspirational!